Hello, friends.
I come in peace today, with a simple but deep reflection that has been on my mind since this morning.
As I thought about our upbringing those of us from Africa, particularly Nigeria, Cameroon, and across West Africa could not help but remember the kind of environment many of us were raised in. We had parents who were not friendly. Discipline was harsh. The cane was not far from reach. In our schools, teachers were not gentle either. They used whips, and flogging was seen as a normal method of correction.
We grew up in an atmosphere where fear was mistaken for respect.
As children, we hardly asked our parents questions. We dared not question our teachers. Not because we did not have questions, but because we were afraid afraid of being shouted at, beaten, or misunderstood. And so, many of us learned very early to keep quiet, to stay in our place, and to avoid attention.
But what we did not realize at the time is that this silence came at a cost.
Many grew up into timidity. Many carried fear into adulthood. Some found it difficult to speak in public. Others struggled to express themselves, even when they had something valuable to say. That early intimidation shaped our confidence, our boldness, and even our mental health.
If you are honest, you will agree with me that a good number of us who are bold today had to fight our way out of that conditioning. It did not come naturally. It came through struggle, exposure, and sometimes painful self-discovery.
And sadly, this pattern still continues today. In many parts of Africa, both at home and in our school systems, children are still being raised under the same harsh conditions in the name of discipline.
But we must pause and ask ourselves an important question:
What kind of children are we raising for the world they are about to enter?
Our children are no longer growing up to function only within our immediate communities. They are growing into a global society. They will sit at tables with children from other parts of the world places where children are encouraged to ask questions, to think critically, and to express themselves freely.
How then will our children compete, if we have trained them to be silent?
Recently, I had a personal experience that challenged me deeply. My son asked me a question, and my immediate reaction was anger. It was almost instinctive something that came from how I was raised. But then he said something that stopped me in my tracks:
“If I don’t ask, how would I know? I am asking because I want to learn.”
That statement humbled me.
Because I realized in that moment that I could never have asked my own father such a question. Not because I did not have questions, but because I did not have the freedom.
That is the difference.
And that is where the change must begin.
This is my humble advice to African parents: discipline is important, but discipline must not destroy a child’s voice. Correction is necessary, but it must not crush curiosity. Respect should be taught, but not at the expense of confidence.
Our children must be allowed to ask questions. They must be guided, not intimidated. They must be corrected with wisdom, not with fear.
Because a child who is afraid to speak will struggle to stand.
A child who is not allowed to ask will struggle to know.
And a child who is constantly silenced may never discover their full potential.
The world our children are entering requires boldness, clarity, and confidence. If we do not nurture these qualities, we are not preparing them we are limiting them.
Our parents did what they believed was right with the knowledge they had. But today, we know better.
And when we know better, we must do better.
Let us raise children who are respectful, but also confident.
Children who are disciplined, but also expressive.
Children who are guided, but not silenced.
Because the future does not belong to the fearful.
It belongs to those who can speak, think, and stand.
May God give us the wisdom to raise such a generation
